The Breaking by Kathryn Heyman

Author:Kathryn Heyman [Heyman, Kathryn]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2012-10-31T17:00:00+00:00

Eighteen

Moments of beginning loomed large – always – in Sarah’s head. They were moments with a sharpness, an edge which was lost afterwards in the dullness of day-to-day. She could still recite the words spoken to her on her first day of kindy: (‘Who’s a big girl today, Sarah Sweet?’), and recall the ritual acted out on her first day of high school (tearing at a plastic bag, chewing at strips of paper, deep breaths, tight chest) – but the years in between were shadow-like: unformed, unseen by the human eye. First horse ride, first train ride, first party, first swim, first kiss. Bright and large and clean. First kiss of Zan, first taste of a woman’s mouth. Too sharp, too bright. It cast shadows on the wall.

Strange though, how quickly the easing in happens. The first moment cutting slices through everything, and then, then what? Everything settles doesn’t it? The first morning, still sharp. A strange shape in Sarah’s bed, the bones of a thin back pressed against her stomach. Soft skin, the fierce strangeness of long hair in her face. A gentle awkwardness over orange juice and cold tea. Mouths tasting of morning, not quite fresh. But still, the newness made it almost-fresh. You know, the way it does.

For a few days then, perhaps a few weeks, Sarah’s tongue stung with the taste of salt, sugar, tea, lemonade, chocolate milk, bread, everything, absolutely everything. She touched children at the nursery softly-softly on their foreheads, blowing air onto the tips of their heads, to cool and soothe them. Even when they needed no soothing. The white flash of the sun bouncing off the Harbour burnt her eyes, but sweetly. Sounds were sharp in her ears: seagulls screrracking, wind jumbling about through trees; the slide of the train on the metal sleepers or the rumbling of car engines transfixed her. She saw the old busker at the Quay, that useless old bloke with the Big Bird puppet and plastic tape player, and her whole body swelled with some raw joy. She gave him a five-dollar note and smiled back at him when he folded his toothless face up in a grin. Everything was shiny, for a time.

Even after the first weeks of waking with Zan’s body next to hers, Sarah counted over each second like a rosary. She woke before dawn once, torn from sleep by small yelps from Zan, caught in a nightmare. Zan’s body was smooth next to Sarah’s. She curled like a worm, Zan, her legs tucked under her. She turned, straightened, pressed close to Sarah. You could feel the line of the bones under the skin. Sarah turned on her side and shoved up so that she could be breast to breast with Zan. Amazed at that: the sameness and the difference. The softness of round breast against hers. Was that how she, Sarah, felt? Even with Zan’s slight bumps, her almost flat chest, Sarah was willed into fascination. Wanted to suck on them, be fed. The nipples red and arrowlike.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.